1. Joe Sensitive - "After I wash the dishes, let's
   cuddle, okay?"
   Also Known As: Mr. Nice Guy, Family Man, Honey,
   Darling, Snugglepup
   Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts
   Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy
2. Old Man Grumpus - "People are stupid. The world can
   go to hell. Let's stay home and watch TV. "
   
   Also Known As: Grumbles, Sour-Puss, Stick-in-the-Mud,
   Old Fogey, Jerk
   Advantages: Stays put; predictable
   Disadvantages: Pain in the butt
3. Flinchy - "I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did. "
   
   Also Known As: Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you
   Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled
   Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a
   struggle
4. Bigfoot - "Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin."
   Also Known As: Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, The Hulk
   Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled
   Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig
5. Lazybones - "Zzzzzz"
   
   Also Known As: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Hobo, Bum,
   Sleepyhead
   Advantages: Well rested; easy target
   Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfill your dreams
6. The Sneak - "Who, me?"
   
   Also Known As: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, SOB
   Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt
   Disadvantages: May be having time of his life
7. Ace of Hearts - "After I wash the dishes let's make
   love like crazed weasels. "
   Also Known As: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat,
   Casanova
   Advantages: Perpetually aroused
   Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused
8. The Dreamer - "Someday I'm going to be rich and
   famous. I don't know how, but--"
   
   Also Known As: Struggling Artist, Philosopher, Story
   Teller, Fool
   Advantages: Tells good stories
   Disadvantages: Will turn into "Old Man Grumpus"
9. Mr. Right - "While the servants wash the dishes,
   let's make love like crazed weasels in my new yacht. "
   Also Known As: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy
   Advantages: Answer to a woman's prayer
   Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction