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Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.
In fact, just piss off and leave me alone. -
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
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The darkest hour is just before dawn.
So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk, that's the time to do it. -
Sex is like air.
It's not important unless you aren't getting any. -
Don't be irreplaceable.
If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. -
No one is listening until you pass gas.
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Always remember you're unique.
Just like everyone else. -
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
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If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
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Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. -
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. -
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
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If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
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Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
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Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
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Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
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The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
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A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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Duct tape is like the Force.
It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
