The following are actual questions asked by actual lawyers in actual court.

Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?

A: I used to be.

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Q: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

Q: What happened then?

A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."

Q: Did he kill you?

Q: Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

Q: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

Q: Were you alone or by yourself?

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?

Q: How long have you been French Canadian?

Q: Do you have any children, or anything of that kind?

Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask if you recognize the person in the picture?

A: That's me.

Q: Were you present when this picture was taken?

Q: Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are?

A: I'll be three months on Nov. 8.

Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was Aug. 8?

A: Yes.

Q: What were you doing at that time?

Q: So you were gone until you returned?

Q: She had three children right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many of them were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You don't know what it was, and you don't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?

A: Yes Q: And these stairs, did they also go up?

A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body of Mr. Smith?

A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started at about 8:30.

Q: And Mr. Jones was dead at the time, is that correct?

A: No, you stupid bastard, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!