If government is going to put health warning labels on beer, wine and liquor, let's at least have a little truthfulness about the matter!

• Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a garbage truck at 100 yards.
• Warning: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a jerk, with assorted things on your head -- lampshades, fruit baskets, underwear...
• Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
• Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in.
• Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay things like thish.
• Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you REALLY THINK while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party.
• Warning: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell ever happened to your pants (panties) anyway.
• Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).
• Warning: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.
• Warning: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, more handsome, and smarter than some really, really, really big biker guy named "Big Al."
• Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
• Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
• Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
• Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
• Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
• Warning: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.