• Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
• Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
• Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
• Stupidity got us into this mess - why can't it get us out?
• Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
• Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
• Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
• An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.
• There is always death and taxes; however death doesn't get worse every year.
• People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
• It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
• I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.
• Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
• Indecision is the key to flexibility.
• It hurts to be on the cutting edge.
• In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
• I always wanted to be a procrastinator; I never got around to it.
• I am a nutritional overachiever
• I am having an out of money experience.
• I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
• I am in shape. Round is a shape.
• Not afraid of heights - afraid of widths.
• Practice safe eating--always use condiments.
• A day without sunshine is like night.
• I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
• If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.
• I am not a perfectionist. My parents were though.
• Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.
• One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.
• It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
• The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
• Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
• Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
• Age doesn't always bring wisdom, Sometimes age comes alone.
• Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.
• You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing.
• A gentleman is one who knows how to play the accordion . . . and doesn't.