12 Your quarterback gets sacked more often than a busy hooker.

11 Management's moving of the training camp to Lourdes should have been
your first clue.

10 I don't care how much money they paid, it's just impossible to play
serious football in Mary Kay Stadium!

9 The backfield refuses to practice on Tuesdays: "It's 'Will & Grace'
night!!!"

8 Sportswriters compare your star running back to Sanders --
*Colonel* Sanders.

7 New conditioning coach's warm-up drill: A brisk 15-minute Macarena.

6 Your team is now run by the Kansas Board of Education, and they've
decided not to allow tackling to be taught.

5 Good news: Nobody tested positive!
Bad news: It was a playbook quiz.

4 Your fastest player's sprinting time is measured in fortnights.

3 "Now starting at running back for the Detroit Lions, number...
ah, who gives a shit?"

2 Team refuses to stop holding hands -- even *after* they leave the huddle.

and the Number 1 Sign Your Football Team Won't Get to the Super
Bowl...

1 Even though the team shelled out $15 Million a season for "the greatest
football player who's ever lived", this Pele guy can't catch worth a crap!