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Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless
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You know he's lying if his lips are moving
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Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany
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Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in nappies
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What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
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So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.
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If they can put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all there.
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Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse Never let your man's mind wander - its too little to be let out alone.
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The only reason men are on this planet is that vibrators can't dance or buy drinks
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Never sleep with a man who's named his willy
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Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway
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A man who can dress himself without looking like Wurzel Gummidge is unquestionably gay.
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Never marry a man for money. You'll have to earn every penny.
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Men are all the same - they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
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Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
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Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
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The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.
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Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener
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If you want a committed man look in a mental hospital.
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The children of Israel wondered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times men wouldn't ask for drections.
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If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque books.
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A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, 'oh alright, I'll stay the night'
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Boring men are like snot - they get up your nose.
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Always wear high heels, it makes it easier to look down on him.
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Women sleep with men, who if they were women, they wouldn't even have bothered to have lunch with.
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Remember a sense of humour does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.
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If he asks you if you're faking it tell him no, you're just practising.
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Sadly, all men are created equal.
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When he asks you if he's your first tell him. 'You may be, you look familiar'
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The main point of having a boyfriend is so that he can one day graduate to the exalted status of a 'former boyfriend'
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There are two significant influences in a man's life and they are both his mother.
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There are a lot of words that you can use to describe men - strong, caring, loving - they'd be wrong - but you could still use them.
