• Yes = No
• No = Yes
• Maybe = No
• I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
• We need = I want
• It's your decision = The correct decision should
  be obvious by now.
• Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
• We need to talk = I need to complain.
• Sure go ahead = I don't want you to.
• I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
• You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
• You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
• Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
• This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
• I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
• Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
• I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
• Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
• How much do you love me? = I did something today you're not going to
  like.
• I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on
  TV.
• Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
• You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
• Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
• Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and deal with it.
• I'm not yelling! = Yes, I am yelling because I think this is important.
• The same old thing = Nothing
• Nothing = Everything.
• Everything = My PMS is acting up.
• Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an
  asshole.