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The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
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You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
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Last year you hid Easter eggs under cow pies.
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You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
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You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
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Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."
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You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
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You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
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Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!"
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Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
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You go to your family reunion looking for a date.
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Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
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You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines."
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You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
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You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.
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The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.
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One of your kids was born on a pool table.
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Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
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You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
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You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.
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You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
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Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos."
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Your toilet paper has page numbers on it
